It is finally upon us, the day we have been looking forward to for over 18 years. Next week H1 leaves for college. All the years of pushing him towards scholastic excellence, classes for SAT preparedness and studying (yeah right) are behind my husband and I. It is now solely H1's responsibility.
While I have been busy buying supplies and dorm essentials one thought has been plaguing me. Am I really going to miss him? This is the child, now adult, that I begin every morning screaming at to get his a$$ out of bed. (Oh, I start out nice and gentle, the first 96 times I go into his room. When it is 8 minutes before the tardy bell rings, and he is still nestled in his bed, I have become Cruella De Ville.) This is the child that I stay up nights worrying about until I hear the garage door open when he has gone out with his friends. This is the child that I have driven to countless little league games and practices and sat in the sweltering Texas sun watching him play. This is the child that triples the amount of laundry and dirty dishes I do. This is the child that I am constantly butting heads with. (They say it is because you are too much alike but I don't think that's the case.) This is the child that I have watched grow from baby to man.
This is the child that would die of embarrassment if he knew I posted these pictures
H1 has always made good (sometimes great, sometimes just decent) grades without ever opening a book. I have not seen him do a project, report, or research paper since elementary school. Somehow he has always sailed through each school year without any real effort. I have to wonder..... can this be a good thing? Is he even prepared for the rigorous curriculum of college? Will he fail or succeed? Is he going to be able to do his own laundry, folding all of his shirts Gap style the way he likes them?
Better question- will he even be able to wake up to get to class?
H1's first grade teacher told me he could retake this school picture. Why? He had just lost his first tooth and was dang proud of it!
Can he be ready? My head tells me 'no' but my gut is telling me 'yes.' I have done my job to the best of my abilities. I guess it's the little voice inside my head that has questioned every decision I have made in his upbringing. When I see all of my friends having their children later than I did, I often think about all of the things I would have done differently. I guess hindsight really is 20/20. From what other adults tell me he is a great person. That's hard to believe when I see him act the way he does at home, but these are people I trust telling me.
Maybe my greatest worry is that he is ready to survive without me.
I guess like every other aspect of parenting, this is one of those experiences where I will have to
'wing it.' I am sure next Friday when we drop him off I will be overcome with some emotion. Will it be sadness or relief?
But the question on my mind most is, does he know how proud of him I am?
You are probably 99% right on all the above. And YES ... you'll miss H1 -- not the wretched part of waking him and butting heads :) but his sounds, moving thru the house, responses to any & everything, and your inevitable responses to him.
ReplyDeleteBut it's all good, as he'll eventually visit !